i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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