i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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