...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize