someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
