So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
