no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize