Can Purell be used as lube?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
