Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
