I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
