Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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