apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
