By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
