Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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