When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
