The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
