Heybabeimwearingurpanties
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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