lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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