Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
