My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
