Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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