yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
