Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
