I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
