my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
