We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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