well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
