i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
