Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
