Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
