i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
