maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
