how can u be prego again
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
