I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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