Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
