I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
