I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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