I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
