I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
