sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
