I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
