He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
