No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
