we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
