i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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