They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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