the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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