You're so nebulous sometimes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
