textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
