im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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