i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
