Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
