i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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