that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize