ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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