I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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