if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
