broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
