apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
