he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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