Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The adults are the big ones right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
