Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
