doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
