I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
