I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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