I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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