the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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