friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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