No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
