You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
