you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize