Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
