so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
