Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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