You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well I just put wine in my tea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize