i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
