actually, I'm a sock model
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize