i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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