did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
