So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
