Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
