I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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