My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
