come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
