Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
