I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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