Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
