remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
