i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
