I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
