I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
