Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
