No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize