I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
