Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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