either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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