I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
