you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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