I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
