I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
