You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
