I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
