Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
