Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
