Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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