you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
