Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
