You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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