So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
