So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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