Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
