I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
