Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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