idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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