i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
