i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
