today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize