just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
