So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I want a musical about memes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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